Ghidul 7 - Kanyadaan ceremony

And here we are, with a small delay of 2 weeks cause my friend Zahraa was out of station, with the last ceremony of a traditional Indian wedding, where the bride no longer belongs to her family, but to her husband. The ceremony called Kanyadaan.

An idiot’s guide to an Indian wedding

6. Kanyadaan


The evening of the Nikah (the official marriage ceremony) was the reception. Anywhere from 500 to 2000 guests are invited. It's a strange sight, almost like a circus where everyone is turned up in really sparkly clothes.
Most Indian weddings are outdoors, usually in a lawn or a park. If it's too late, tents are erected. Otherwise, chairs are scattered everywhere. My brother's wedding was in a synagogue.
The bride and the groom are seated on a stage. The guests are expected to go up to them and wish them , instead of the other way around. It's considered auspicious to give the couple money in denomination on Rs 1. For example: they would give and envelope stuffed with Rs 1001 or even Rs 5001.
To keep a track on these envelopes, we had to take turn to be on our "duty". Also there is no specific dinner timing. The dinner opens at 7.30 pm and the guests are expected to eat whenever they are hungry.
The reception dies at about 1 am-after which the couple leaves. The father of the bride now symbolically places her hand into the groom's hand and asks him to take care of her. This last ritual called Kanyadaan, loosely translated means "donating the bride".

Ghidul 6 - Nikah

An idiot’s guide to an Indian wedding

5.Nikah

The Christian equivalent of this ceremony is when you go to the church to get married. The Muslim of course go to the mosque.

My mum woke us all up bright and early, and somehow we forgot to wake up the groom, who was sleeping an hour before he was supposed to get married!

There is a tradition in my dad’s side of the family. When a boy gets married, the father gives the sisters money. I don’t know why they do this, but heck, I’m not the one to refuse money ;p

Apparently we could negotiate with my father, and ask for whatever amount we pleased, since no one told us this vital piece of information, we were short-changed.

Before the groom left the house, we all had to feed him something sweet. It could be anything, traditional Indian sweets, chocolate, pancakes etc. But every single person must feed him.

At the mosque, the Kazi (it means ‘chief official’ in Arabic) conducted the ceremony. In Islam, marriage is a contract. Both sides of the parties have some conditions, which the other one must fulfill before they get married.

The bride’s condition is usually ‘Mehr’ (bride price)- the groom must offer the bride (not her family) anything she asks for. It could be money, gold, an apartment and so on. I think in ancient times, this was a good system, because if the husband turned out to be a bad husband, and didn’t give the wife any money, the wife could still support herself.

The bride asked for 75 grams of gold and a book. In my family, the groom’s don’t make any demand, and my brother followed this tradition.

Coming back to the ceremony, the Kazi first asks if the conditions have been fulfilled. If they haven’t, then we cannot move further. Now, its like a typical Christian wedding, the Kazi asks the groom and bride if they accept. Once they do, they are declared man and wife.

We celebrate by distributing dates ad sugar, after which everyone came home for a large lunch.

The same evening was the Reception, stay tuned in for that.

Ghidul 5 - Henna party 2

An idiot’s guide to an Indian wedding

4. Groom’s Mehendi

Well clearly this is the opposite of the Bride’s version. In this case though, the groom doesn’t get any henna on his hands!

Since it was hosted at our apartment. I expected to meet very pissed off neighbors the next day due to the loud noises.

Finally, the groom will receive his presents, from both his and the bride’s parents. His presents will be pale in comparison to the bride’s. Its quite normal for him to receive tons of wrist watches, clothes, money and so on.

There is also a special custom to give the groom’s mother a special present, maybe as a ‘thank God you’re done raising him!’ kind of present! This is usually clothes. By the end of the wedding, my mother estimated that she would not need to buy any new clothes for the next five years.
The groom’s sisters also gave him presents as well and maybe they threatened to show everyone his naked baby photos.

Sometime while all of this was happening, the bride’s cunning sisters (or cousins) will steal the groom’s shoes and hide them. In order to get them back, the groom must pay the girls whatever money is demanded. This is a very old Indian custom, aimed at bleeding the groom dry!
Women not involved in the stealing process busy themselves by creating a pattern of colored rice on the floor. Regular uncooked rice is dyed in various colors and then used to make a design. After the ceremony, this rice is washed to get rid of the color and then donated to a poor person.

Ghidul 4 - Henna party

Si iata-ne ajunsi, dragi prieteni, la partea cea mai frumoasa a unei ceremonii matrimoniale hinduse (dupa parerea mea desigur), ziua in care miresei i se aplica minunata hena :)

An idiot’s guide to an Indian wedding

3. Bride's Mehendi

Mehendi or Henna is a party thrown by the bride’s parents so that people can come get henna tattoos on their hands. Generally only women apply henna. The groom’s family is also invited, although, we will not get any henna.

Tradition says that the darker the henna on the bride’s hands, the more her husband loves her. I’ve seen bride’s employ all kinds of crazy methods to darken the henna, from eucalyptus oil to even pain-relieving ointments!

The only reason we (the groom’s sisters) were there was to give the bride all her presents from her mother-in-law. This huge bag included dozens of pairs of traditional Indian clothing, massive amounts of gold jewelery, shoes, bags, makeup stuff, and even irrelevant things like handkerchiefs.

If I ever decide to get married, it will only be because the above-mentioned bag lures me.

Both sets of families exchange presents. These could be anything ranging from watches, to perfume, or even gold! Normally it’s clothing. But we were incredibly lucky, because besides the clothes, we got a little travel kit and we each received Coach bags!

Although this party is aimed at women (due to the henna), lots of men are invited as well. You see, the women get henna on both their hands, and they cannot touch anything until the henna dries. The men are invited so that they can do all the work, such as feed the women.

Ghidul 3 - Haldi ceremony

Continuam povestile despre nunta traditionala indiana cu ceremonia numita Haldi (aka turmeric in engleza, aka curcuma in romaneste)
Trebuie sa stiti ca respectivul condiment, curcuma, care se foloseste foarte des in mancarurile indiene, se descopera a fi chiar benefic impotriva unor boli precum cancer, Alzheimer si altele.

An idiot’s guide to an Indian wedding

2. Haldi Ceremony

You have been advised to wear the worst clothes you own to this ceremony. I ended up wearing something I’ve owned for 8 years.

The bride’s mother hosts Haldi. All her close girl friends are invited, although it’s common to see the bride’s brother there as well.

Haldi literally means turmeric (yes, the spice!). They make a paste of turmeric along with milk, almonds, pistachios and other nuts. It turns out to be this thick paste, which is applied all over the bride’s skin.

She sits on a chair surrounded by everyone, and one by one, we apply the paste on her face and hands. It’s supposed to make you look pretty. How does a horrible smelling yellow thing do that is beyond me? By the end of the ceremony, everyone goes crazy, and we start applying haldi to everyone present. During this application process, it may be possible that the aforementioned yellow substance may land on your clothing, thus ruining it forever. No, dry cleaning does not help. So, stick to wearing your old clothes and you will be a very happy person indeed!

Since, we have only one brother, we (the sisters) decided that it was okay for us to apply haldi to him as well. We didn’t ask him, more like we ordered him! To humour us, he even agreed!

That night, all of us (my parents and all my siblings) got into our old pajamas, and applied haldi on my brother. Somewhere it changed from being a haldi ceremony, to being a haldi fight!

Everyone was coated yellow, and I’m quite sure our maids hated us for the mess we made.